Penoy Jokes ( part 5)

Philpost issued new GMA stamps. In daily use, it was found unable to stick to envelopes. Sensing another anomalous deal, an enraged gloria demanded an immediate investigation. Findings showed: a) stamps were perfect order; b) there was nothing wrong with applied adhesive; c) people were spitting on the face side of the stamp.> > __________________________________________________

REPORTER: Madam President, kung buhay si Ninoy ngayon, siguro pangulo na siya.
CORY: Hindi siguro. Baka bilanggo siya, kamo.
REPORTER: Bakit naman po?
CORY: Baka napatay na niya si Kris.
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JUDGE: Isa ka palang pusher, kidnapper, gun for hire, swindler at bugaw! Wala ka bang matinong hanapbuhay?
ACCUSED: Meron po. Pulis po ako.
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BETH: Halata na ang tiyan mo a. Bakit hindi pa kayopapakasal ng BF mo?
MARIA: Ayaw ng pamilya niya eh.
BETH: Sinong may ayaw--tatay o nanay?
MARIA: Yung misis niya.
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Quiapo Church : MRS: Lord, bigyan ninyo ako ng P1,000 kasi anak ko na sa ospital. (Narinig ng pulis, naawa, binigyan ng P500.)
MRS: Lord, next time huwag niyong ipadaan sa pulis,nabawasan agad.
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PASSENGER: Manong, bayad.
DRIVER: Saan to galing?
PASSENGER: Sa akin.
DRIVER: Papunta saan?
PASSENGER: Sa 'yo.
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Mister: Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula, gusto ko, ako si ZORRO!
Misis: E ako, sino?
Mister: Si DACOS!
Misis: Dacos? Sino 'yun?
Mister: DA COS of all my ZORROs!
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Job interview:Boss: Ano ang alam mo?
Rommel: Alam ko po kung saan kayo nakatira ng misis niyo, at kung saan nakatira ang kabit niyo.
Boss: Tanggap ka na!
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Tomas: Sobrang tabatsoy ang misis ko, kaya gusto niyang magbawas ng timbang. Nag-horseback riding siya...
Jorge: Ano'ng resulta?
Tomas: Nabawasan ng sampung kilo!
Jorge: Nabawasan agad ng 10 kls ang asawa mo?
Tomas: Hindi ang kabayo ang nabawasan!!
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Ama: Kumusta ang pag-aaral mo?
Anak: Nag-lesson at test po kami tungkol sa mga manok.
Ama: Ano, madali ba?
Anak: Chicken na chicken!
Ama: Anong grade mo?
Anak: Itlog po.
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Dalawang holdaper sa bangko:
Holdaper #1: Yehey! Mayaman na tayo!
Holdaper #2: Bilangin mo na!
Holdaper: Alam mo namang mahina ako sa math. Abangan na lang natin sa balita kung magkano

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Pasyente: Okey ba ang services sa ospital na ito?
Doktor: Oo naman. Sigurado 'yon.
Pasyente: Paano kung hindi ako satisfied?
Doktor: Ibabalik namin ang sakit mo.

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3 tanga nagsisiksikan sa maliit na kama :
TANGA1: Pare, di tayo kasya. Bawas tayo ng isa, sa lapag na lang matulog. (Bumaba si Tanga 1.)
TANGA2: Ayan, pare maluwag na, pwede kanang bumalik dito!

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Dear Dodong, Sa susunod anak, Nido non-fat na lang ang ipadala mo sa tatang mo. Nasisira kasi ang tiyan niya sa pinadala mong Nivea Moisturing Milk ...
Nagmamahal, Nanay

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ANAK: 'Tay , penge ng pera. May project kami. Bibili ako ng "cocomban".
TATAY: Ano ka ba naman! Hangga ngayong "cocomban" pa rin tawag mo!
ANAK: Ano po ba ang tama?
TATAY: Bomb paper!

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MISIS: Dear, iligaw mo nga tong pusa. Nakasako na. Dalhin mo sa malayo!
MISTER: Ok!
MISIS: Bakit ka ginabi? Niligaw mo ba ang pusa?
MISTER: Bwisit na pusang yan! Kundi ko siya sinundan, di akonakauwi!

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PEDRO: Galing ako sa doktor, nakabili na ako ng hearing aid. Grabe ang linaw ngayon nang pandinig ko!
JUAN: Wow, galing! Magkanong bili mo sa hearing aid?
PEDRO: Kahapon lang!

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At a funeral...
ERAP: Tara na, Jinggoy. Alis na tayo!
JINGGOY: Kararating pa lang natin a!
ERAP: Naku mahirap nang maiwan. Basahin mo o: "REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED."

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Tanga 1: Ano bang hinahanap mo diyan sa supot ng 3-in-1 coffee. Kanina ka pa silip nang silip diyan.
Tanga 2: Hinahanap ko ung libreng asukal. Nakasulat kasi sa karton "SUGAR FREE."
Tanga 1: Tange ka talaga, doon mo itanong sa sales lady!!!

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JUAN: Pare, ang bilis kong nabuo 'tong puzzle!
PEDRO: Talaga?! Gaano kabilis?
JUAN: 5 months!
PEDRO: Tagal naman!
JUAN: Tagal ba 'yun? Nakalagay nga dito: "for 3 years & up"!

In the land of Freedom, "to be free is not merely to cast out the Espina dynasty from political power, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others." For generations, the paradise island of Biliran has breathed the fresh tone of stillness and serenity of freedom and peace. But when the Espina dynasty conquered and dominated the political power in our province, they corrupted not only our natural and economic resources but also the mental upbringing of needy people in rural places....more



GAS PRICE

Join the resistance! I hear we are going to hit close to $1.50 a litre by summer and it might possibly go higher! Want gasoline prices to come down? We need to take some intelligent, united action. Jun Paterno offered this good idea. This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain day" campaign that was going around earlier! The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them. BUT, whoever thought of this idea has come up with a plan that can really work. Please read on and join with us! By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $.79/litre is super cheap. Me too! It is currently $1.10 for regular unleaded in my town. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC ... more

June 3, 2007

CEBUANO KO BAY!!!!
(Author Unknown)

I am not a Filipino, never considered myself one a long time ago. I am a Cebuano and my late father once said: "There's a whale of a difference between the two". And that distinction between the Cebuano and Filipino is never more pronounced than the result of the 2001 Senatorial Elections. The election results nationwide from Manila to Mindanao showed an even trend, far below the expectations of the anti-Erap advocates. Can you believe that? After we've been screwed in the ass by a pea-brained Tagawg! But the Cebuanos voted differently. We Cebuanos voted with the same clear sightedness and maturity that scared the shit out of Marcos and his KBL lap dogs who despite massive cheating and terrorism in collusion with his Ilocano Generals were defeated by the Pusyon Bisaya during the Parliamentary Elections in the seventies. We Cebuanos have a better sense of truth and justice and we have always been the vanguards against tyranny and oppression since 1521 when Chief Lapu-lapu whacked Magellan.
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